It had been a long time since I had been around old school guy guys. Despite the amount of time spent discussing sex around my house, it’s usually in mixed company and of a certain flavor. I climbed into the van full of filmmakers and they paused long enough to say hello before launching back into the continuous outpouring of raunchy patter and boob jokes that had already been in full force. To his credit David did turn to me and say, “oh, right, I probably should have warned you.” By the end of the night, as we left our first dinner together, I found myself in a group hug with this same crew, talking about opening our hearts to the experience before us and giving Jef the space and support to be truly vulnerable. Somewhere in this mix, this seeming dichotomy, was the essence of our next few weeks of filmmaking.

The idea was to create a film that was a mixture of storyboarded narrative, documentary style interactions and improvisations. The structure from which the film hung was that “David” (the character) had just turned thirty and was writing a letter to himself on his deathbed. Knowing that this future self must have worked his way through the existential crisis he was now facing, he continually asks questions and describes his process as he surfs along on borrowed couches, pull out beds and floors through Portland and Seattle where the stories that shaped him once played out.

This is us with an actual leaf from the film “Apocalypse Now”. From left to right: David Soderberg, DP – Jef Greilich, Lead Actor – Kai Mantsch, Sound Recordist – Ira Flowers, Editor/Gaffer/Digital Technician – David Waingarten, Writer/Producer/Director. (Day 6)

In practice, this meant that we had a thin skeleton of a film and a whole lot of space that might, through the act of placing ourselves into the hands of god and the universe, be filled with amazing moments. Or go nowhere. We frequently made reference to the moment in Hearts of Darkness, a documentary about the making of Apocalypse Now, where the film has degenerated into a slow slog upriver through the jungle and the cast and crew are given daily shot lists containing only the words, “scenes unknown”.

We did have a daily list of locations and people for our lead actor, Jef, to interact with. Many were people with incredible stories about spiritual awakenings, tragic war stories, or personal loss, like a man who’d lost his twin baby girls just weeks after they were born. Others were representative characters from David’s personal history. Having just watched, Synecdoche, New York, Kaufman’s latest ultra-meta film, I was well primed to enjoy the beauty of watching Jef, the actor, playing “David”, the character, based on David, the writer/director, who sat watching as Jef kissed David’s former crushes and ex-girlfriends, who were often playing the roles of other, different ex-girlfriends from David’s past. Most of the people Jef was to interact with were non-actors and so through their interactions, they would ask questions probing into who he (David, the character) was. This would prompt Jef to improvise and feel out the character that was emerging, and occasionally ask David (the director) to give him a story or talk about how he would respond to a given situation.

While I (and many others) originally questioned why it was that David didn’t simply play himself in this journey, it quickly became clear that he had made the right choice. Jef was unburdened by David’s ideas about what he could and couldn’t discuss with the people who had great personal weight in his life. There was also room for David himself to step back from the situation and see the interactions in a new light, as well as have enough distance to make decisions about what to cut and where to dive in deeper.

To Be Continued…

Next Episode: It Begins!