I woke up and there it was, a new song. Sometimes I struggle for hours trying to get anything interesting to happen but the best music just pours out in a quick, continuous session. A fair amount of crafting and polishing follows but once the core is there the excitement drives the rest of the process.
This piece is about an experience I had seeing my old friend Margaret and having the strange sensation that everything that had happened in the years we’d been apart had been some sort of silly game I’d been playing, or a dream I had until we could get together and laugh about it. Like reality only existed when we were together. I had this sensation with her and several of my old housemates from the same era a number of years ago at a wedding. I can’t help but feel that maybe this set of friends were there for just the right moment in time and we were all marked forever.
I made a promise to myself to start trying to share more of my music, most of which never leaves the pile of cassettes in an old tool chest in the corner. This seemed like the perfect opportunity so I got to work trying to record a version to throw out to the internet audience and see what happened. Paralysis set in immediately. There isn’t enough life in the vocals. The tempo drifts. The lyrics are trite and meaningless to anyone but me.
I have a motto, though: anything that scares me, and won’t kill me, I must attack. So this song is going to go live to the world well before I’m ready for the simple reason that being ready 1) would mean that there is no more fear and 2) will probably never happen.
The vocals on my crude first recording are really not quite listenable at the moment, so I’ll start with the lyrics as they poured from my brain yesterday morning and post the music later.
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Awake With You Again
by
Kai Mantsch
——————————————————
[MELODIC LINE]
I had the strangest feeling
when I talked to you just now
I felt as though the years in between
were meaningless somehow
It’s as though our time apart
was a story that I made up just for you
and now that I can hear you laugh
it’s all a joke and I feel like it’s true
what’s real was shared with you
—————————-
REFRAIN
—————————-
Being with you again
feels like I just woke up from a dream
everything I’ve done
since we were together
has passed like texas weather
hearing your laugh
and knowing what has passed between us
it feels so good to be awake with you
a-gain
———————————————————
Around the corner, from our house
wondering what to do
It was cold and early and all it would take
was to let myself kiss you
I’d already sworn it could never happen
But you weren’t going to let it get away
I said goodnight and tried to leave
but there was no where else to go
so we went wonderfully astray
—————————-
walking ’round the block and holding hands
in the morning after sun’s rays
all bright colors and sunrise light
felt like hippies in all the right ways
our house was full of constant laughter
so full of friends exploring what was new
we were all in tune and in sync and in rhyme
writing music with you
writing new lines all the time
—————————-
[REFRAIN]
—————————-
you laughed and pointed out with glee
as hallmark’s day descended
how very far, we had strayed,
from what was intended
while everyone else was uniformed,
and spending money on expensive meals
we were dressed like total freaks
preparing to tear our clothes off for a crowd
we had nothing to conceal
—————————-
We drove out to Colorado
Lost my car on the way
Wrapped our gear in duct tape
and took the last greyhound that day
when we got to the mountains
we rode the snow like waves between the trees
you were that snow rabbit that I’d
always dreamed of
having next to me
—————————-
[MELODIC LINE]
—————————-
After three months apart I wandered Buenos Aires
looking for your face
I turned to see you run to me
and nearly died in our embrace
you taught me all my spanish directions
and then we marched and practiced in the park
we learned folklore dancing
from strangers who saw us
safely home after dark
—————————-
we snuggled on an overnight bus
riding westward toward peru
a wide eyed little boy wondered
by what luck I had found you
when we finally reached the mountains
we sang all night in spanish in a fire-lit room
the daytime sun watched us waist deep in snow,
trying to reach the lake
at the base of the hill
and smiled when we finally got through
—————————-
[REFRAIN]
—————————-
We did so well together
and so much was so right
but then at last the time came
for our last kiss goodnight
we only had, so much time,
I think that we both knew it from the start
I stole your car and with my broken leg
drove away with my broken heart
and headed for the mountains one more time
—————————-
And now that’s a story too
one more in our collection
the romance that we shared was just
part of our connection
and all we’ve dared and time we’ve shared
now is part of something we can feel
when we are together
I can tell again
what is real
what is real
[MELODIC LINE TO CLOSE]
My songs are spells. Each one is developed for a particular intense experience. Each one is formed like a custom antibody for a particular bacteria, a unique incantation for a particular writhing beast inside me that must be exercised. Once crafted I learn and repeat the spell and with each repetition breath flows in and pushes the rage, frustration or fear out. When at last I feel purified, I carefully place the song on the shelf on the chance that it will closely match a future trouble and be useful again. This shelf of spells casts a shadowy image of my progress over time, all I’ve learned from relationships, travels, and troubles.
