My Time as a Human

writings by Kai Mantsch

Swallow on metal wire
In a few days I will be joining two other foreigners and heading out to a small Fujian village to meet with children as a representative of the outside world. The trip is being approved by the communist party so I can only assume our topics will be limited to what the communist party deems safe elements of western culture. I made a decision when I came here to be no more than a student and observer so I don’t have a huge problem with that.

Then I started looking for children’s songs I could play for them on guitar. I skipped “ring around the rosey” for its reference to the plague. I tried to keep things in simple english, child appropriate, and politics free. (No, “This Land Is Your Land”.) Then I started looking for Chinese children’s songs to learn. The first and most famous was, “Two Tigers“, about two tigers without eyes and ears. OK, a little Brothers Grim style fairy tale gruesome, but the Germans have plenty of that too. Then the woman I asked sent me the song she says they sang every day as children…

Little Swallow


Little swallow, dressed colorfully,
Comes here every spring,
I asked her, “Why do you come here?”
She said, “The spring here is the most beautiful.”
Little swallow, let me tell you,
It’s more beautiful here this year.
We’ve built large factories,
And equipped new machines,
Please live here forever.

Um. For my western readers I don’t think I have to say that this blew my mind. For my many new asian readers… uh… this blew my mind.

image links to photographer’s website

Quest for Go 1

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Feet light with my recent success I was ready to take on a more intense challenge and find 围棋 (Weiqi/Go) in the streets of Fuzhou. This thousands of years old game began in China but fortunately my expectations had already been set by the sorry number of Chinese people I’d met who knew what it was. As with all of the most fascinating treasures of China this art, too, has failed to meet the fundamental criteria of modern Chinese people: how will it make me more money than anything else I could be doing?

Goban
Of course, businesspeople, countries and companies who have been through a few generations have learned of the many benefits of indirect investment. Apple’s UI designs and Honda’s Deming style investment in people are good examples, but the president of Casio even talked about Go explicitly:

Back at the Tokyo Birdie Club, Mr Kashio reveals his secret for keeping the brain youthful: he is addicted to playing the Japanese strategy game Go on the internet and tends to rack up about three half-hour games every night before going to bed. “We should all exercise our brains more. The more you think, the better it works,” he says.

But I digress. No high-minded mission speeches were going to help me find the little crew of stone throwers I sought. I had to get down to character by character translations of out of date web pages online. I spent a few hours translating, sifting and mapping what I could. I found three addresses I could enter into google maps and, given enough patience, I could wait until my ancient iPhone drew those maps for me on the street. I scribbled some notes on a new paper map as well, picked up a few sticky rice bundles, a sun umbrella and a fresh bottle of water and hit the pavement.

The first bus took me near my destination, and the phone got me close. My crude translation of the website said something about a department store. I went there first and discovered the most expensive place I had yet seen in Fuzhou. The place was full of ties and glass and huge banners of western men in suits. I went through several floors but no one had any idea what I was talking about. One woman sent me out back into a alley for some reason I still don’t understand.

Go home?  The building.
I crossed one of the many huge pedestrian bridges and watched my little dot on the phone again, hoping it would help. It danced around the area of the bright dot of my target, but without any street numbers I couldn’t seem to get any closer. Suddenly… I found it. A set of characters I recognized for a store a few buildings down on the map. I counted several addresses backwards and found an apartment building. I stepped inside and my pulse quickened as the smell of stale urine convinced me that I must be close. This was the kind of leftover dank building where the last go club would be struggling to survive. I looked up and then I saw it: 围棋. These were some of the first characters I had memorized, and they were embossed into an old metal placard next to the mailboxes.


Go board?  The sign on the mailbox.
Go get married?  The wedding planners.
Chess players.

The elevator doors opened on the tenth floor to reveal a giant sign that read “welcome” in english and was covered with plastic flowers. A wedding planner dominated the tiny floor. There were two doors leading to wedding planning offices and they were both wide open. Brightly colored plastic and aluminum foil wrapped much of the surrounding doors and hallway. Of the remaining two doors one was covered by a huge cardboard sign showing yogis and talking about “peace and tranquility space” in english. The other was unadorned and closed.

I knocked on the closed door and, getting no response, decided to brave the wedding planners. They were all deeply engaged in video games and card playing, but one was happy to try to help me out. Once we went back and forth a few times more people got involved until someone dragged the english speaking guy from a back room. “It’s residence,” he told me. “They moved. You should ask security.”

I wound my way back through the tinsel to the first floor and the security guard angrily rebuffed my question. 没有。(Not here.) The Go gods giggled as, to leave the building, I had to pass through a large group of people gathered around a street game of what the Chinese call chess.

Google’s out of date bus map sent me in the wrong direction for a while, but I managed to make it to the second address. I walked up and down the street several times, again asking countless people who had never heard of the game and often assumed I was looking for the kind of club foreigners must want, one filled with beer and girls. I haven’t yet learned the word for nerd, but maybe that would be helpful. Not to say that it wouldn’t be incredible to find, at the end of this quest, a club full of beer drinking Go playing girls…

At last it was time for a twist in the tale. A street vender sent me upstairs to the seventh floor of a large building, insuring me that I would find weiqi there. I have no idea why. I arrived at some kind of travel or banking or… well, business office. The crew behind the counter was delighted to have me brighten their boring day and I bantered around with them for a while. One even made a short attempt to go online, but then instead dragged me downstairs. She helped me talk to someone else there and then began dragging me down the street. I still don’t know why. She asked me where I was going to try next and I said that I was probably going to eat next. Suddenly between pauses to answer the phone or call more people about locating a Go club we were winding down old streets and wandering past museums. At some point I realized that she had no real plan other than moving around and that she had no intention of going back to work. When I asked her about this it turned out that she didn’t actually work at the office I had stumbled into, but instead sold massive amounts of tea to people who wanted to use it to bribe or impress clients.

I picked the next noodle place I saw and went in. She gamely followed me and as I went through my routine of “no meat. No chicken, no pork, no cow…” she kept at the texting and phone calls. By the time the noodles arrived she had scribbled the phone number of the club that had vanished. A few calls later and… we had a date, a time, and a pile of Chinese characters that resembled an address! I was ecstatic!

Tea and company
I walked out of the restaurant happy and fed and she asked me to come check out her office. She dropped by an apartment to pick up a key and we cabbed to a building across town. It was already 10:00pm when we arrived and she turned on the lights and cranked up the AC. The huge space was full of beautiful old wooden furniture and massive conference tables. In the center of one room was what I now know to be a tea serving table. She expertly prepared some of the better tea I’ve had here (and believe me, this is China and one of my best friends here is a tea expert) and we talked, laughed, scribbled characters and struggled through my bad Chinese until midnight.

This is what I’ve been looking for and the real purpose of the quest. Already the search for Go alone has brought me chinese practice and people and opportunity. Now I just need to get my game skills back up before meeting my first players tomorrow night…

click first photo for link to photographer’s site

As the Chinese people run to devour all beef patties I will creep through the thick weeds growing behind their houses. There, hidden among the brick ruins of old China, just hours before they are demolished, are the long forgotten fruits that I will gleefully pluck and devour until the juice pours out over my huge grin, so much more sweet in their rarity and the knowledge that I am here to take in the last of these delights. I am in the alleys tapping stones onto old gobans. I am on their mountains in the cover of night learning the secrets of the original pure, flowing Gong Fu. I am using long brushes to paint their beautiful characters as they type fistfuls of mine.

China passing old brick homes
Tonight I began the next phase. Over the past days waves of tears and hands wished classmates off to their homelands and the hotel dorm fell silent once again. The thin sheet of security, the merry little band of fellow Chinese learners, was gone. It was time to leave my study space and take on the real world. It was time to take my tiny pile of Chinese characters to the streets and seek out the adventure of raw, handwaving, shouting, blundering communication.

Of course, my tiny language skills earned from months of hard labor were not my only tools for success. No, my greatest hope lay in my… nose. When I first arrived in China years ago I was told that a perhaps less than courteous name for foreigners like myself was 大鼻子。(Big nose.) As it turns out, I not only have a huge schnoz by American standards, but in fact the years of sporting activities have sculpted it into a piece worthy of Picasso on a tight deadline and a few bottles of wine. Here, it is just one prominent piece of me that, combined with my generally friendly good nature, makes me a special kind of curiosity and imbues me with a never ending role as the sexy new kid from another high school.

The evening began at a noodle shop, where minutes after attempting to ask for noodles a woman leapt to my defense. Unfortunately, I’ve found that nothing ruins my chance to learn like someone trying to speak English for me. She was friendly enough at first but the conversation quickly turned to one I’m now overly familiar with. She wanted my phone number, insisted that I be friends with her and teach her English, and told me, as everyone does, that I should find a Chinese girlfriend. I don’t have a pat routine down for this yet, so as usual I told her that hooking up with Chinese girls wasn’t the purpose of my trip and that I was here to learn Chinese and then fumbled through deciding if I should add her number to my phone with a warning tag or skillfully avoid that part of the transaction altogether.

Fresh orange drink
The next step on my journey, the all important bubble tea, was much more successful. I played with the menu and my dictionary for a while trying to find something without milk. The guy behind the counter was trying to point me at some orange drink, but I went with the green tea and coconut. When he met me at the take away window he’d made my drink and insisted on giving me the orange drink for free. The nose discount. I laughed and thanked him and then discovered that he was absolutely right. The coconut was from a powder mix and the orange drink was… fresh squeezed orange juice still full of delicious pulp.

I’d already spent some time talking to a brother and sister that ran an umbrella store down the street, and I knew that she wanted an American one dollar bill for her collection. When I arrived with my ticket in hand she was running the store herself and I made her promise to give the second bill to her brother. Quickly we settled into the real deal: a lengthy conversation all in terrible broken Chinese. Exactly the goal of the night’s mission. No demands. No desire to speak English. Just the sheer joy of spending time with other human beings. Her brother came back and several of their friends stopped by. I stayed until the street shut down and they kept the shop open for another half hour while we all bantered about, laughing and drawing characters on the edge of an old newspaper.

Narrow Chinese street at night
In front of the umbrella shop the sister had a small cart where she made fruit drinks and she was quick to make me one filled with every possible type of fruit and jelly. At the end of the night I tripped through the piles of debris on the now abandoned street happily swinging my three cups of tea and fruit. Round one was complete. Tomorrow things get more serious. My diving board into the deep end of speaking Chinese is covered in tiny stones and black lines. I must find 围棋 (Weiqi/Go) players in this town…

Being a western foreigner in this town makes you an instant celebrity and I’ve got plenty of stories about what that means. And while I may be many amazing blog posts behind, I cannot help but quickly share the new level this madness reached today. I just got a call from what I believe was a bank selling loans. I’m not entirely sure, because after much giggling and passing the phone around the room to progressively better speakers of English, this random salesgirl completely lost interest in trying to explain the mission. Despite the language struggle and workplace locale she started trying to pick me up. I was eventually saved from this hilarious situation when she was interrupted by someone making her get back to work, but now that she has my phone number, I’m somehow sure I haven’t heard the last from her…

Ha ha! Literally, as I’m typing this post, one hour later, I’m getting a call from the same number. Sigh. Am I going to answer..?